i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Randomize
