Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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