I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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