when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
