i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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