Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
