So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize