I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
