I look better un-naked...
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
