mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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