You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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