Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
i will never coherently bang her
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
