im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
