Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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