With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
