So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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