Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
