We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
