I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
