I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
