Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
