I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
