he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
you never un-have a 4some
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Randomize
