not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
