Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Is it because I queefed?
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
