I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
