I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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