I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
