A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
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