just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
