she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
