Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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