rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
