I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
