when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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