I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
