So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
My ass is underappreciated
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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