All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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