one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
