5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
