So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
