First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
