Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Randomize
