Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
She's the barista slut.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
