My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
