Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize