i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
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