ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
