i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize