I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
