You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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