The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize