Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
