i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
