I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
