Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
