PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
