i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
