He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Girls should come with a carfax report
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
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