meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
