You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
