If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize