I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
