Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
