I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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