a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Found the puke drawer
Just high enough for therapy.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
