its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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