I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
