Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
How's work?
Spinning.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
