Joe is yelling at the trees again.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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