So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
