Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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