I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
