Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize