Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
it was like eating out sand paper
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
