Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
