i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
