Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
