i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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