My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Just invented taco cereal.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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