A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i think i have two assholes
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Randomize
