is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
