I must be too annoying 4 u.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
