Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
