and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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