why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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