You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
