the day after is always just damage control
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize