It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
