U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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