Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
