I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
he had hair everywhere except his balls
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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