A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
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