I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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