i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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