The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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