ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
