in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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