I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
