Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
