While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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