I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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