i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
