ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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