One girl and one boy is just not enough.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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