i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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