maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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