Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
