So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
