I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
