I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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