Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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