Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
