Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
